I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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