I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize