This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
