If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
