I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So vagazzling was a success
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
