Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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