Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
