Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
