So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
