Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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