I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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