Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
