The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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