I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize