listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
