i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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