So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
