he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
