Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
