I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
