I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize