we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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