i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
