Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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