He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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