so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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