do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
