i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
