I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
