porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
