she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
