Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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