why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this boner is exhausting
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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