at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize