Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
