I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
