it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
