Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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