I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
