I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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