i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
