Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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