I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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