I hope mine doesn't look like that
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
