no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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