You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
