I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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