Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
