So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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