Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
be right there i have to get my cape
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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