She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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