Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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