I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize