Whod you bang
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
