We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
