last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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