Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
