she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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