More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
