Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
