#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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