Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
