im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
