Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
