i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
