do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
