So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to fling myself into the sun
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
