God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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