Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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