Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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