Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
